Before we get into talking about the games men play, allow me to present a couple of metaphors.
There’s this really fun board game that Jessica and I like to play. It’s called Pandemic. It’s fun because we work together trying to save the world from a plague.
The best part?
We are in it together: we both win or we lose the game together. It’s a fun collaborative process.
And, as a metaphor, this is how a relationship should be: both of you are putting effort into it. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s ok, so long as you were both trying your best to make it work.
Then there’s another type of board game (and relationship). Take Monopoly for example: there’s always one winner and one loser. Rather than being a collaborative game, this is a competitive game.
What’s good for you, isn’t good for the other person.
And sometimes relationships end up this way. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like a guy is always trying to get something from you, and you feel like he’s playing a game with you in order to get something, then this video and article will help you clue into that fact and tell you what to do about it.
Your Coach,
P.S. Is he pulling away to play a game, or is something else going on? Check out my free webinar to discover the reasons good men pull away once they get close to you.
Games Men Play (and Why They Play Them)
Trust me: I know how frustrating it is to meet a guy who seems like a great fit for you. Maybe you met him online or through friends. But after a while, you feel like you’re in junior high, because he’s clearly playing with you like a boy would.
There are five games men play with women. I know you won’t believe me, but sometimes men play games unconsciously, not realizing exactly the harm they’re causing.
So why do they play them?
There are many reasons. A man may be insecure and want to hook a woman and get her chasing him. He may be unsure about whether he wants a relationship with you, and so he’ll run hot and then cold. He may honestly just be a player, stringing along multiple women.
It’s your job to determine whether he’s playing games with your head and decide whether he’s worth it (spoiler alert: he probably isn’t).
So here are the games men play and how to deal with each.
1. Can I Get Sex if I Keep Taking Her Out?
Sometimes a guy will feel like if he’s spending money on you, taking you out for dinner and drinks, then you should reciprocate by having sex with him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not even sure why men started thinking this, but let me just say: sex should not be transactional.
If a man is making you feel guilty about all the money he’s spent on you and hinting that he wants “payment,” run away. Fast.
You should only have sex with a man you have a great connection with. Who you want to have sex with.
2. How Many Women Can I Juggle?
Some guys try to hook up with as many women as possible. You’d think this phenomenon would be limited to men in their 20s and 30s, but older men can do it too.
Dating apps have made this incredibly easy, unfortunately.
I’m ashamed to say that I know a few men who try to see how many women they can sleep with in a week.
Yes, it’s disgusting, but it happens, so you need to be aware of the fact.
If you get the sense that the guy you’re seeing is juggling multiple women, definitely do not sleep with him (hello? STDs, anyone?) and find someone better who wants to focus on just you.
3. Can I Get Laid Tonight?
via GIPHY
Have you ever met a guy at a bar who you hit it off with? But then maybe if he tried to make a move on you, maybe kiss you, and you deflected him, did he walk away?
That probably left you confused because you thought that this might develop into something.
Sorry, dear, but you just got played. He was looking for nothing more than to get laid that night.
He wasn’t looking to date you.
He wasn’t looking for commitment.
He wasn’t looking to get married.
He wasn’t looking for a girlfriend.
I know it’s tough if you thought you felt a connection, but this man was a con artist who knew the way to your heart (and, he hoped, to your bed). Don’t feel bad. Just move on.
4. How Long Can I Keep Her Giving Me What I Want, Without Giving Her What She Wants?
You know the kind of men that play this game.
He tells you he wants to be with you. That there’s a great connection. That he wants to build something with you. But…
He’s never actually ready to commit.
He never calls you their girlfriend.
He just strings you along until he’s done.
This is what I call an emotional leach: he sucks your emotional energy from you but doesn’t give you anything back in return. Is that really the kind of man you want to build a life with?
No way! You deserve a man who gives as much as you do, who is an equal partner with you. Keep looking, because he’s out there.
5. How Can I Make Her Think She’s Crazy?
This is what’s known as gaslighting: manipulating you into thinking that YOU are the crazy one.
Here’s an example: let’s say you’re dating a guy and you have an exclusive relationship and you’re not dating other people. You notice a text go off on his phone from another girl, and it says “You’re really getting me going :)”
Because you’re a Sexy Confident woman, you don’t snoop to investigate on his phone, but you do ask him about it because it’s super inappropriate.
He says, “Oh that’s just someone from work. What are you doing looking at my phone? You’re being crazy. Stop that!”
Then you ask to see the text chain so you can understand the context of why she would say something that sounds so inappropriate.
His response? “No way. You’re just being insane and clingy. There’s nothing going on there.”
That’s gaslighting. He flat out lies (because in this scenario, he probably is cheating on you) and makes you think you’re the crazy bitch. Don’t buy into it. If your gut is telling you something’s up, don’t believe whatever he tells you, particularly if he turns it around to being your issue.
Conclusion:
I wish that these weren’t the games men play, but I do hope that now you can more easily identify them when you’re the victim of one of them.
Dating shouldn’t be a game. It should be about getting to know a potential partner and deciding whether you’re compatible or not. But the good thing about men playing games, especially when you can quickly identify them, is that you don’t have to waste any more time on these guys, and you free yourself up for a man who is sincere and emotionally mature enough to be your partner.
Which of these games have men played on you? Let me know in the comments below.
Have you ever had a good man start to pull away from you once you got close? In my free webinar, I’ll teach you three mistakes you might be making so you can fix them and pull him close without manipulating him. Sign up today.